What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
