why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
