im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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