I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
