you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
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At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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