I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
