I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
