you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize