Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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