Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
