Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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