Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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