some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
