I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
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I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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