well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
