Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
