I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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