Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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