Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
