idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
People in love make me want to vomit
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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