If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
