I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
