she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
