I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
