TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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