I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
