I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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