We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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