I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
