I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
