i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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