wakey wakey hands off snakey
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
