Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
