Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
