the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
