I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
