Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
