Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
