You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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