i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
