It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm passing your future prison.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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