i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
