so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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