you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
