I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
