All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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