what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
