you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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