Can i not drive my cunt home
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize