So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
