I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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