Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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