Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
