Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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