my phone needs a breathalizer
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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