Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
