there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
