She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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