I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
