this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
