i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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