the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
