Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
