Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
