no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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