im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
