Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
