Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Someone signed my nipple.
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