I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
