I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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